Tolerant Town # 16
by Darren Olsen / 2006


Yes, I have been remiss in my duties as an absurdist, but I have been up to my armpits in work. But now is the time for some action on my part. Sure I haven't updated my website since the 20th century, sure I am responsible for the high gas prices, and yes, I am responsible for the near-miss asteroids that threaten our very existence here on Earth, but that's all water under the bridge.

I figure it's time for a tour-montage of where I work. Yep, a land-swabbie's life for me! Ah, the free-wheeling and back-breaking fun of a real custodian.

In my best Boris Badinov voice: “I veel get you secret pictures of my custodial closet and filthy toilets.”

I might even throw in short videos. Who can tell? Not me. I've been breathing too much cleaning products and contemplating whether I should go crazy or stay sane. The talking rabbit that has been eating my stroganoff dinner tells me to go for the crazy.

I think it's time for the Holy Hand Grenade. That, or I could tell him to shove off.

By my clock it's Friday, and I've got ants in my pants that have been causing my toothache. They have to pull it out they say. Its okay I suppose, since it's one less I have to brush, and it is going to make a fine addition to the other teeth o' mine I have stored in a box. I figure I'll hit the Tooth Fairy up for some serious cash as a down-payment for my eventual dentures. Eventual Dentures... Hmmm... has a nice ring to it. It’s a good name for an aging rock band.