Krab Worship by Dave Gorgonzolla; The Cheese Monster I felt it scuttling on the horizon, this day of crabdom...and yet, knew not whence the withered claw would pinch me back into unreality. Seven pounds of crab gland extract is just too much for a single psychonaut to snort but having no totem crustacean near enough to help I was left with no recourse. Three pounds up each nostril then the remaining one into my melting hookah. It took all day, but at last the dose had been administered. I glanced at my watch in the mirror..any minute now.... The effect was subtle at first, like soft waves of drawn butter lapping at my brain, but before long (7.4275 min to be exact) the full tsunamic fury obliterated all sense of self, all sense of being, replacing it with a single inanimate and indescribable object which I will now attempt to describe.. Imagine an air conditioner-lounge chair chimera violating a venetian blind wrapped summer sausage log under an aluminum foil tarp while the fires of hell bake the whole unwholly act past the state of crispness into a whole other order of matter, and you will have a sense of what I had become. Going to work in this state was difficult to say the least, so I stayed home where there was nothing to do but worship a crude effigy of a crab which was fashioned out of clay and steamed whitefish. And that, is how I honored Dalikrab day even though it was 3 days too early.